Not wanting to be a stay-at-home dad feels like such a boomer mentality. Like, seriously, what father is so disengaged from their kids that they wouldn’t want to spend more time with them, given the option? Being a stay-at-home parent is a lot of work, no one’s contesting that, but there’s no contesting that it’s more satisfying work than working for some megacorp’s bottom line.
You’d think so, but they’ve done studies and there tends to be more marital issues in families where the woman makes more of, or all of, the money.
Personally I agree that it shouldn’t be defined along gender lines. We don’t have kids, but my husband is way better with babies and children than I am. It would make much more sense (if we could afford it) for me to work and him to stay home. But it seems that, society-wise, we have a long way to go.
My boomer dad was a sort of stay at home dad in the off season for his construction work. (Temperature dependent waterproofing).
We got to spend winters wood working, skiing (he was an instructor and coach to allow us to afford it) and just being around to have fun with.
He died too young to meet my son, but I’ve been basically working from home in a similar way as much as possible and just got home from the mountain where I work to get us free passes and lessons.
Painting all boomers as misogynists is understandable, as many were, probably after being brought up by the war babies and silent ge. But many weren’t like that, had hippie roots and never succumbed to the yuppie greed that many did in the 80s.
The housing crisis unlocked that in me, and I’ve never worked steady jobs since then. I was lucky enough to be part of what’s now called a lifestyle startup (prioritizing comfortable life work, instead of grinding growth), but we made it 10 years before our market vanished with COVID. But I wouldn’t change much, except getting better dental coverage and moving to a country with universal healthcare.
Man COVID was the chance for me to do that and it was amazing. Being stuck with my wife and kid 24/7 was a blessing. A monkeys paw blessing for sure but I still enjoyed it.
To be fair, some people aren’t great at being a homemaker–it’s a particular passion and skill set and it’s not for everyone. But blindly drawing that distinction on gender lines is definitely a boomer thing.
Had an older guy at work who had four kids, and when it came up in conversation, he proudly noted that he had never changed a diaper. Told him that I’d be mortified to admit I was such a useless dad.
There are some aspects that aren’t skill-based though. Anyone can do it, but some people thrive in that environment, while others have a more difficult time, just like any other job.
I’m sitting here cuddling with my infant son and I never want to go back to work. I’ll have to (so will my wife), and I hate that for both of us. But I definitely don’t want to.
I can empathize. I went back to work a month ago now. It was/is hard to be unavailable.
Luckily, I work from home in a fairly independent role and my wife is still on leave, so we’re still largely co-parenting. We could afford to have me stay at home, but we’re saying that the extra I make above the truly wild cost of daycare will go to his education, financial security, and cultural enrichment.
We’re also telling ourselves that daycare will be a positive/important social experience for him because we have a small friend group locally and family is halfway across the US.
Counterpoint: I took some months off work when my first one was born. And I hated it. I felt that all my value was as “baby-sustaining-machine”, the highest mental skill requested any given day was loading a laundry load and it was very socially isolating (not many people available during working hours for socializing). At the same time, it was stressful being constantly the only one in charge. I was relieved to drop them at daycare and get back to work.
Now that they are of early school age, I enjoy spending time with them, but I also find it taxing. I know I wouldn’t be a good parent if I were to do it 24/7. But I am glad to spend every non-school moments together.
I am firmly of the opinion that babies suck, but kids - once they reach the age that they can engage with you at some minimal level - are great, and the older they get, the more fun they are.
Yeah, I turn down invitations to go out after my nighttime board meetings if it means I get home in time to put my kids to bed. I take them to school in the morning and pick them up just about every day. Sometimes they get on every single one of my nerves, but I love being home with them, playing with them, making dinners that they complain about and it makes my blood boil. It’s all part of the package. The whole idea of the silent workaholic dad is just crazy to me. I want to be the one who takes them to the park.
I have a hard time with this. I’m a teacher, love my job, and genuinely think its important. But I hate that I have to spend so much time away from my kids and even when Im home I end up spending hours planning, grading, etc.
Not wanting to be a stay-at-home dad feels like such a boomer mentality. Like, seriously, what father is so disengaged from their kids that they wouldn’t want to spend more time with them, given the option? Being a stay-at-home parent is a lot of work, no one’s contesting that, but there’s no contesting that it’s more satisfying work than working for some megacorp’s bottom line.
You’d think so, but they’ve done studies and there tends to be more marital issues in families where the woman makes more of, or all of, the money.
Personally I agree that it shouldn’t be defined along gender lines. We don’t have kids, but my husband is way better with babies and children than I am. It would make much more sense (if we could afford it) for me to work and him to stay home. But it seems that, society-wise, we have a long way to go.
Boomers, you said it yourself. Being a stay at home dad was unheard of and seen as emasculating. So silly.
My boomer dad was a sort of stay at home dad in the off season for his construction work. (Temperature dependent waterproofing).
We got to spend winters wood working, skiing (he was an instructor and coach to allow us to afford it) and just being around to have fun with.
He died too young to meet my son, but I’ve been basically working from home in a similar way as much as possible and just got home from the mountain where I work to get us free passes and lessons.
Painting all boomers as misogynists is understandable, as many were, probably after being brought up by the war babies and silent ge. But many weren’t like that, had hippie roots and never succumbed to the yuppie greed that many did in the 80s.
The housing crisis unlocked that in me, and I’ve never worked steady jobs since then. I was lucky enough to be part of what’s now called a lifestyle startup (prioritizing comfortable life work, instead of grinding growth), but we made it 10 years before our market vanished with COVID. But I wouldn’t change much, except getting better dental coverage and moving to a country with universal healthcare.
Yeah, it has the same energy as the endless jokes about men hating their wives.
Man COVID was the chance for me to do that and it was amazing. Being stuck with my wife and kid 24/7 was a blessing. A monkeys paw blessing for sure but I still enjoyed it.
Or babysitting. “Stuck babysitting again, haha?”. Nope, just walking around with my child like any other parent.
To be fair, some people aren’t great at being a homemaker–it’s a particular passion and skill set and it’s not for everyone. But blindly drawing that distinction on gender lines is definitely a boomer thing.
Had an older guy at work who had four kids, and when it came up in conversation, he proudly noted that he had never changed a diaper. Told him that I’d be mortified to admit I was such a useless dad.
I wasn’t great at it, until I learned how to do it. It’s not hard. YouTube helps.
There are some aspects that aren’t skill-based though. Anyone can do it, but some people thrive in that environment, while others have a more difficult time, just like any other job.
I’m sitting here cuddling with my infant son and I never want to go back to work. I’ll have to (so will my wife), and I hate that for both of us. But I definitely don’t want to.
I can empathize. I went back to work a month ago now. It was/is hard to be unavailable.
Luckily, I work from home in a fairly independent role and my wife is still on leave, so we’re still largely co-parenting. We could afford to have me stay at home, but we’re saying that the extra I make above the truly wild cost of daycare will go to his education, financial security, and cultural enrichment.
We’re also telling ourselves that daycare will be a positive/important social experience for him because we have a small friend group locally and family is halfway across the US.
Tbh, I don’t want to be any kind of dad.
Daddy! At long last, I’ve finally found you!!
That’s a core experience of being a dad. Kids are a pain in the fucking arse sometimes.
Sounds great
It genuinely is. Life’s better when you have an annoying little idiot around who preternaturally knows how full of shit you are. It keeps you humble.
I have my partner for thatI’m sure they’re not an idiot lmao
Counterpoint: I took some months off work when my first one was born. And I hated it. I felt that all my value was as “baby-sustaining-machine”, the highest mental skill requested any given day was loading a laundry load and it was very socially isolating (not many people available during working hours for socializing). At the same time, it was stressful being constantly the only one in charge. I was relieved to drop them at daycare and get back to work.
Now that they are of early school age, I enjoy spending time with them, but I also find it taxing. I know I wouldn’t be a good parent if I were to do it 24/7. But I am glad to spend every non-school moments together.
I am firmly of the opinion that babies suck, but kids - once they reach the age that they can engage with you at some minimal level - are great, and the older they get, the more fun they are.
But by then they have school, so I can as well have my own job.
Sure, I wouldn’t want anymore an all-encompassing job as I had before, but a 9-5 is perfect.
I mean I hate kids but I like money. $12M is honestly about $11.7M past that inflection point though.
Yeah, I turn down invitations to go out after my nighttime board meetings if it means I get home in time to put my kids to bed. I take them to school in the morning and pick them up just about every day. Sometimes they get on every single one of my nerves, but I love being home with them, playing with them, making dinners that they complain about and it makes my blood boil. It’s all part of the package. The whole idea of the silent workaholic dad is just crazy to me. I want to be the one who takes them to the park.
I literally dream of this.
I have a hard time with this. I’m a teacher, love my job, and genuinely think its important. But I hate that I have to spend so much time away from my kids and even when Im home I end up spending hours planning, grading, etc.
Just kinda sucks.