Plot twist: the Wall People actually love you — they just hate bedtime negotiations. Kids are tiny chaos goblins with great one-liners 😅
An arranged marriage between you and the wall people should ensure peace between you.
She’s valid, fuck those wall people
This is the same logic as taking the battery out of the smoke alarm to stop the noise
I mean, yeah. We all do that.
As a parent to five kids (too many, don’t be me) I’d welcome the Wall People over some.of the things I’ve had to deal with. Weird I can deal with, gross on a long term consistent basis drives me nuts.
I knew a large family with 10 kids growing up. The last 4 called themselves the “too manies”.
I had a classmate who was the youngest of 10. Always smelled bad, but otherwise an okay kid. I think the family was poor. Not surprising, having had to feed 12 people. I wonder how many of them have had kids of their own by now and if any chose to have many or none at all.
I’ve known a few families with 6 or more kids, and in nearly all cases, each of those kids goes on to have 6+ kids.
I once dated a girl who was one of five, and they were the smallest branch of the family. Each of her parents came from 8 kids, and each of those 8 kids had at least 6. I went to a family holiday weekend party, and there were HUNDREDS of people, all related, and all within a couple of generations.
I was one of two, my wife is an only child, and we only had one. My brother had two. Any more than that sounds exhausting. We had a bunch of cats instead of a bunch of kids.
At that point you count on either extended family support (or both sets of grandparents), older kids to take care of the younger siblings or for kids to fend for themselves. One kid is a lot if you don’t have family support, let alone 2 or more. Definitely to each their own, but I could never (especially as the person in the relationship who would be popping those kids out).
Ask not what the wall people can do for you. Ask what you can do for the wall people.
The Wall People: [whispering loudly in chorus]: “We crave incarnation. Give us your fleshshsh that we may return to the world of humansssss.”
Me: “Well, that’s not going to happen. You wanna watch some trash TV? I’ve seen you watching over my shoulder.”
The Wall People: “Fleshshsh…fleshshsh, fleshshsh…”
Me: “Alright, alright! I could invite Randy over. He’s been lonely for a while and might enjoy the company of having some psychospiritual roommates in his head.”
The Wall People: "Raaaaandyyyy? The one who “saves it for later” when he gets nachos stuck in his beard and says “females have unreasonably high standards for men. That Raaaandyyy?”
Me: “Yeah, maybe you can help him see things differently and, y’know, makes some changes.”
The Wall People: “sssssssss…”
Me: "Yes?
The Wall people: “…ssssset Hulu to play the Secret Lives of Mormon Houswives.”
Me: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
[Later]
The Wall People: “Whhhhyyyyy do Jessi and Whitney remain friends after publicly accusing each other?”
Me: [through a mouthful of potato chips]: “I don’t know, but if someone accused me of being a manipulator, I would not hang out with them.”
The Wall People: “Manipulator? The other one betrayed her trusssssst!”
Me: “Look, I’m not taking sides here. You can’t take this stuff too seriously. It’s not functionally real for us, if it’s even objectively real at all. If you can’t handle that, we can always switch over to Bluey, Paw Patrol, or PBS Kids.”
The Wall People: “Fffffiiine. I am calm nowwwww. Paaaaassss the chipssss.”
Me: “That’s a good legion of wall-dwelling, disembodied spirits.”
The Wall People: [Crunching noises]
But what if the Wall People don’t approve of you because you won’t fart into other peoples’ mouths?
Then you just fuck the wall people and it evens out.
