They really should just be water dispensers so people can fill a reusable bottle or cup. Water is such a basic, universal need that it should be readily available at all facilities that are open to the public. That’s generally the case, but I’d go a step further and argue that there should be a clearly marked water dispenser within an arms reach of each bottled water display. I buy bottled water sometimes, but it’s because I forgot my bottle. I use the new one as a temporary one.

I didn’t want to show my hand, but off the record, I’ve experimented with Norwegian beaver milk and Mongolian camel milk to achieve in vitro samples of sesenta y tres leches. Admittedly, it’s highly unstable and there have been casualties. Such is the price of progress.

That’s a good point. It seems to be an infinite series that should converge on one value of leche. If we solve for that, we should be able to make the ultimate torta de leche, which, paradoxically, is made with only one supreme leche.

I think we can go a lot further.

Common milk producers:

Cow

Bison

Goat

Sheep

Horse

Yak

Reindeer

Common milk types:

Evaporated

Condensed

Powdered

Whole

2%

1%

Skim

By my count, we should be able to do at least cuarenta y nueve leches. Are we even trying?

I think you’re just describing Black Friday.

I’ve heard some states/provinces and countries have capacity limits to reduce the frequency and severity of mass laserings.

The Wall People: [whispering loudly in chorus]: “We crave incarnation. Give us your fleshshsh that we may return to the world of humansssss.”

Me: “Well, that’s not going to happen. You wanna watch some trash TV? I’ve seen you watching over my shoulder.”

The Wall People: “Fleshshsh…fleshshsh, fleshshsh…”

Me: “Alright, alright! I could invite Randy over. He’s been lonely for a while and might enjoy the company of having some psychospiritual roommates in his head.”

The Wall People: "Raaaaandyyyy? The one who “saves it for later” when he gets nachos stuck in his beard and says “females have unreasonably high standards for men. That Raaaandyyy?”

Me: “Yeah, maybe you can help him see things differently and, y’know, makes some changes.”

The Wall People: “sssssssss…”

Me: "Yes?

The Wall people: “…ssssset Hulu to play the Secret Lives of Mormon Houswives.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

[Later]

The Wall People: “Whhhhyyyyy do Jessi and Whitney remain friends after publicly accusing each other?”

Me: [through a mouthful of potato chips]: “I don’t know, but if someone accused me of being a manipulator, I would not hang out with them.”

The Wall People: “Manipulator? The other one betrayed her trusssssst!”

Me: “Look, I’m not taking sides here. You can’t take this stuff too seriously. It’s not functionally real for us, if it’s even objectively real at all. If you can’t handle that, we can always switch over to Bluey, Paw Patrol, or PBS Kids.”

The Wall People: “Fffffiiine. I am calm nowwwww. Paaaaassss the chipssss.”

Me: “That’s a good legion of wall-dwelling, disembodied spirits.”

The Wall People: [Crunching noises]

Bees start swarming out.

I would read that horror story. Imagine unexpectedly facing eternity with The Spanish Inquisition, conquistadors, various other brutal imperialist forces and having it presented to you as a rare honor for a lifetime of Christian service. I imagine it like “The Good Place” except it isn’t a comedy.