The person in the relationship is the one with the responsibility not to cheat, they are objectively the worse person. If my partner is willing to cheat on me my friends might as well hit it because I’m not interested in continuing that relationship after that point anyway.
My friend group recently excised someone because he was hard core planning on cheating on his soon to be wife… They weren’t married yet, he wanted to end the relationship bud didn’t wanna be single. So he was just planning on cheating and how exactly to do it.
We decided to cut him out of the group, because most of us have the opinion “if you’re willing to fuck over your supposed partner, you’re definitely willing to fuck over a friend”. Add on top of that a ton of unremorseful misogyny.
Ugh we just got cut out of our friend group for very similar situation, except the asshole won. He almost cheated on his then fiance, he did screw over his “best friend” my husband, and when he learned my husband had told me about the emotional affair, he manipulated us and everyone, campaigned against us and eventually got us disliked and dropped by everyone. It really sucked, these were lifelong friends. My only hope is that they eventually all see who he is. I doubt it, as it’s been a year and a half, and his now wife just had a baby. I feel the worst for her in the situation.
It’s so weird to me that people pre-plan cheating. You always hear the story that “it just happened”. However, now that I’m in my 40s, I’ve found that it is so often someone who spends lots of time considering it and shopping the idea around to their friends to see if they can find someone to tell them it’s ok.
Yeah, 100%. A few of us tried to talk him out of it. 3 of us had independent 1:1 conversations with him saying it wasn’t cool. And if he’s not happy in his relationship now, it won’t magically get better (he knew that to be true) and he should break it off. However he refused, unless he had a sure thing for a relationship immediately after.
He wanted to use one of our (my SO and me) best friends as “option B” and also had graphic and very explicit fantasies about this individual. He told one of the others that was trying to have a “come to your senses” talk with him about these fantasies, unsolicited. To the point he was apparently graphically imagining fucking them after we had just hung out, while he was home laying in bed next to his Fiancee.
He also said that de wasn’t worried about the wedding coming up. The quote “whether I break it off now or a day before the wedding, its the same emotional and financial toll, so I shouldn’t rush it”. And he wouldn’t be willing to get a divorce once they had kids. He didn’t want kids, but she did, and he caved.
If my partner is willing to cheat they are the one hurting me. If it’s not with my friend it’d be with someone else eventually but i guess it depends on how they handle it. If my friend tells me immediately then I’m not going to care because that allows me to not waste any more time with the cheater. They’re doing me a favor by exposing them as the trash they are sooner rather than later. Might as well get laid for their trouble. If they go behind my back for weeks thus causing me to waste time and energy on a cheater then I’d be pissed.
I don’t understand this at all. If my partner cheats with a stranger, then sure-- all the blame is on my partner. The stranger doesn’t know me. But a friend? They are betraying the relationship between us just as my partner is. My expectations for a friend would be more along the lines of “hey man, you really ought to know that your partner tried to fuck me”, rather than “btw bro, I got it off with your partner” (high-five??).
As far as I’m concerned the relationship is over the instant my partner decides to cheat on me. Whether they get rejected or not. My friend telling me about it has the same end result either way. So I don’t really consider it a betrayal assuming they do tell me. The cheater was going to cheat sooner or later anyway might as well get it over with.
Even if she’s immediately an ex due to her behavior, I think a lot of people would rather their close friends not sleep with an ex. It’s like, if you two fall in love after we’re over, you can’t stop love, but if you’re just getting your rocks off, there are plenty of fish
I guess it’s just an each to their own thing. Once someone cheats on me I’m done with them. I don’t care what they do. None of my friends are stupid enough to get into an actual relationship with a known cheater but even if they did it’s not like it’d be the first time I had to ignore a SO someone was bringing around that I didn’t like.
I don’t understand how you consider one action a betrayal of trust and not the other. Is your friendship also not over the instant your friend decides to sleep with your partner? I guess you have different kinds of friendships than I do.
None of my friends would try and initiate something like that. However if my friend tries to fuck my SO and my SO rejects them then I’m going to have a problem with my friend harassing my SO. If my SO goes along with it and cheats on me then my friend has revealed my SO’s colors and that relationship wasn’t worth shit in the first place, they’ve done me a favor. No sense in also tanking a friendship over it.
Yeah, this is just my own opinion I don’t expect everyone to agree. Everyone approaches relationships in their own way. Also want to say that just because I feel this way about it doesn’t mean I would ever be the friend being cheated with. Cheaters disgust me so I’d be on the phone immediately telling them about how they propositioned me. So maybe that makes me some kind of hypocrite.
The person in the relationship is the one with the responsibility not to cheat, they are objectively the worse person. If my partner is willing to cheat on me my friends might as well hit it because I’m not interested in continuing that relationship after that point anyway.
If that happened to me, I’d be dropping both those relationships - I also expect my platonic friends not to fuck me over
My friend group recently excised someone because he was hard core planning on cheating on his soon to be wife… They weren’t married yet, he wanted to end the relationship bud didn’t wanna be single. So he was just planning on cheating and how exactly to do it.
We decided to cut him out of the group, because most of us have the opinion “if you’re willing to fuck over your supposed partner, you’re definitely willing to fuck over a friend”. Add on top of that a ton of unremorseful misogyny.
Ugh we just got cut out of our friend group for very similar situation, except the asshole won. He almost cheated on his then fiance, he did screw over his “best friend” my husband, and when he learned my husband had told me about the emotional affair, he manipulated us and everyone, campaigned against us and eventually got us disliked and dropped by everyone. It really sucked, these were lifelong friends. My only hope is that they eventually all see who he is. I doubt it, as it’s been a year and a half, and his now wife just had a baby. I feel the worst for her in the situation.
It’s so weird to me that people pre-plan cheating. You always hear the story that “it just happened”. However, now that I’m in my 40s, I’ve found that it is so often someone who spends lots of time considering it and shopping the idea around to their friends to see if they can find someone to tell them it’s ok.
Yeah, 100%. A few of us tried to talk him out of it. 3 of us had independent 1:1 conversations with him saying it wasn’t cool. And if he’s not happy in his relationship now, it won’t magically get better (he knew that to be true) and he should break it off. However he refused, unless he had a sure thing for a relationship immediately after.
He wanted to use one of our (my SO and me) best friends as “option B” and also had graphic and very explicit fantasies about this individual. He told one of the others that was trying to have a “come to your senses” talk with him about these fantasies, unsolicited. To the point he was apparently graphically imagining fucking them after we had just hung out, while he was home laying in bed next to his Fiancee.
He also said that de wasn’t worried about the wedding coming up. The quote “whether I break it off now or a day before the wedding, its the same emotional and financial toll, so I shouldn’t rush it”. And he wouldn’t be willing to get a divorce once they had kids. He didn’t want kids, but she did, and he caved.
I can see why you would stop hanging out with someone who treats people so little respect
Yeah… And given the person whom he wanted to be “option B” is my wife’s best friend…
If it’s not your friend it’ll be someone else eventually. Might as well get it over with sooner.
Aren’t your friends expected to avoid hurting you also?
If my partner is willing to cheat they are the one hurting me. If it’s not with my friend it’d be with someone else eventually but i guess it depends on how they handle it. If my friend tells me immediately then I’m not going to care because that allows me to not waste any more time with the cheater. They’re doing me a favor by exposing them as the trash they are sooner rather than later. Might as well get laid for their trouble. If they go behind my back for weeks thus causing me to waste time and energy on a cheater then I’d be pissed.
I don’t understand this at all. If my partner cheats with a stranger, then sure-- all the blame is on my partner. The stranger doesn’t know me. But a friend? They are betraying the relationship between us just as my partner is. My expectations for a friend would be more along the lines of “hey man, you really ought to know that your partner tried to fuck me”, rather than “btw bro, I got it off with your partner” (high-five??).
As far as I’m concerned the relationship is over the instant my partner decides to cheat on me. Whether they get rejected or not. My friend telling me about it has the same end result either way. So I don’t really consider it a betrayal assuming they do tell me. The cheater was going to cheat sooner or later anyway might as well get it over with.
Even if she’s immediately an ex due to her behavior, I think a lot of people would rather their close friends not sleep with an ex. It’s like, if you two fall in love after we’re over, you can’t stop love, but if you’re just getting your rocks off, there are plenty of fish
I guess it’s just an each to their own thing. Once someone cheats on me I’m done with them. I don’t care what they do. None of my friends are stupid enough to get into an actual relationship with a known cheater but even if they did it’s not like it’d be the first time I had to ignore a SO someone was bringing around that I didn’t like.
I don’t understand how you consider one action a betrayal of trust and not the other. Is your friendship also not over the instant your friend decides to sleep with your partner? I guess you have different kinds of friendships than I do.
None of my friends would try and initiate something like that. However if my friend tries to fuck my SO and my SO rejects them then I’m going to have a problem with my friend harassing my SO. If my SO goes along with it and cheats on me then my friend has revealed my SO’s colors and that relationship wasn’t worth shit in the first place, they’ve done me a favor. No sense in also tanking a friendship over it.
Right on, but I just can’t relate.
Yeah, this is just my own opinion I don’t expect everyone to agree. Everyone approaches relationships in their own way. Also want to say that just because I feel this way about it doesn’t mean I would ever be the friend being cheated with. Cheaters disgust me so I’d be on the phone immediately telling them about how they propositioned me. So maybe that makes me some kind of hypocrite.