Ugh…made a mistake this morning. Waking up? No, actually, I just made a favorable joke about Epstein in light of my Knowledge garnered from having ALSO been a cop. I think? Well, I wrote about that a bit on the conspiracy sub…er, community. Whatever tf it is here.

That’s kinda part of my anathema in life, becoming a pariah. My true anathema, the curse that has most ailed and haunted me, is offbrand Walmart Benadryl, and I thank Christ my dick still works, because science says it shouldn’t. But, another thing that has been a major pain in the ass is being so different. I get mistaken for uh-ohs and no-goods because I can make an Epstein joke that doesn’t fall into normativity BECAUSE I have walked such a strange path to totally not be a cop writing state-sponsored propaganda aimed at crime reduction through education right now.

No, I’m just your average run-of-the mill window masturbator. But really, I do have a soft spot in my heart for education, having been schizoautismo prime in my youth and not getting many of what should be obvious messages. Y’know, don’t boo at the assembly. It’s actually really triggering to me, getting caught up in some communication error, as it harkens back to being the definition of a neurodivergent child with NO intervention in a traumatizing house and I couldn’t explain myself to any meaningful extent.

Hence, I have Belial in my head, that inodemonic process perceived as a voice in your head that roughly half the population does not have, running nonstop in the midground of my mind, wordsmithing delights and derangitudes alike. It used to be troublesome, with my emotional dysregulation, but both God and my life partner and many in-between have helped strengthen my mind through synergistic mindfulness.

What that means: STOP LISTENING TO YOUR HEADPHONES WHEN YOU WALK AROUND IN PUBLIC! You miss shit, feedback from your environment, which can help you grow in the ways you specifically need most. In setting the intention to be mindful and improve yourself in ways you can throughout the junctures of day-to-day life, even if no one is saying something TO you, in all the forms that takes, you will be priming your mind to making meaningful connections for yourself in your environment.

Even if you can’t take the leap of faith to accepting your personal reality tunnel is procedurally generated, you must concede that priming process in your conscious proliferation will naturally lead to making those connections to take a leap up into your power to be all you can be.

…which does loop back on itself at a certain point, I have found. Once you make yourself uniquely you - to mean stepping away from socionormativity and peer pressure and so on to make completely independent decisions - that’s when you notice how basic people are, and there’s this period where you are in two different worlds, self-similar to others but wholly different too, that has some difficulties to it, which require gumption and gall to stand alone for a period, but when you do and get decent at that, then you find the others also uniquely like you, assuming you express yourself with an art of any kind, to include small talk.