Dozens!

(heavy westcountry breathing)

That lad needs to learn how to break-fall, nearly fucked up his left elbow on landing from the big one.

Best one is to respond to something they say with “Oh that’s quite interesting” in the flatest tone possible, then move the conversation on to a different topic or exit.

Works particularly well on Americans because in American English “quite” is an amplifier modifier but their brain will be confused by the flat (not sarcastic) tone.

Are you ok mate? Do you need a cup of tea and a lie down?

The only guys who’d get mad at this either have some unresolved homophobia or are generally avoidant of touch.

This meme is old enough to start puberty…

Ow my bones!