I fuck with airport security screens as much as possible. My latest is to show up an hour early with a couple of butter knives I ‘borrowed’ from previous flights. I have a collection from airlines from around the world so I match my upcoming carrier when I can. Watching those apes struggle to verify if my completely blunt, clearly approved butter knives are somehow restricted is worth the lost time.

My favorite is when they claim they’re forbidden and I get to pose the obvious objection: if they’re restricted due to posing a safety hazard, why is it acceptable that I’ll get one anyhow on my upcoming flight? How is that identical butter knife safer?

Ahem, it’s your freedom to be ripped off!