Still more reliable than a Cybertruck.

“Oops, the observable truth! Our bad.”

We miss you, keyboard cat.

We are old gods who punish life for fun.

Also called a pineapple because who cares anymore?

Middle-eastern children: “I want to grow up and be educated.”

Santa: “Best I can do is a drone hitting your house.”

That may explain your gastrointestinal situation.

The MacBook 5C.

It is no longer classified as chicken.

She likes to give ‘em the ol’ Rami Malek.

You’re on notice.

This is weirdly wholesome.

Start small. Get yourself a pizza, and work up from there.

I spent the last 13 years of my life sleeping on Japanese futons and am now sleeping on a full box spring mattress for the first time since.

I can’t remember the last time I had this much trouble sleeping. What I wouldn’t give to have a “thin mattress on the floor” again.

Less time that it takes my mom to actually make banana bread.

Milli Banilli

Chipotle is really resting on its laurels.

This is what happens to wildlife when you don’t cut your bread rings.

Francine Smith

Most likely Leo DeCaprio’s role.